Apparently, meeting a potential partner in between Wham and Duran Duran’s latest hits is becoming a thing of the past since singles started trading their dancing shoes for a computer, modem, internet connection with a reasonable download limit and unlikely nicknames such as “shyandretiringozgal” and “Aussiestud”.
Miranda Devine in The Sydney Morning Herald recently revealed that “more than half a million Australians are registered with a matchmaking site”, which if my sums add up, means that three-quarters, or a staggering 62%, of the citizens of this land are currently chatting online with someone they’ve never met rather than reading this article.
As Ambit Gambit’s reporter by default on fashion and trends, I decided to find out about dating sites so you can get hip with a cool chick or chap on the World Wide Web. To fill out this story, let’s talk to an international expert on relationships and dateless.com’s major shareholder, Dr Brenda Boyd Smith Onassis Hayes.
Pre-empting any questions I should have had if I’d done research, Dr Brenda tells me that although the Love and Psychic Institute where she earned her qualifications isn’t officially recognised, the many (actual figure subject to Freedom Of Information request) happy couples she has brought together can’t be wrong.
Upon suggesting that the Internet dating craze has in common with the cult of celebrity the safety and distance of faux intimacy, she correctly, if stereotypically, points out that someone with only a mediocre Arts degree to her name shouldn’t be making connections with anything other than a Centrelink queue and a dole cheque.
Anyway, who could argue with “sexyminx”, whose recent marriage to “bigbloke” hasn’t stopped her using the site in case he’s a letdown when they come face to face next week?
“Like”, says Ms Minx, “I have to be prepared if he doesn’t like old westerns, crying at the pictures, pancakes, unscented soap, world peace, knitting, ballroom dancing, Barry Manilow, Paul Hogan films…”
According to Dr Brenda, “It’s not easy to hook up these days due to work and reality television watching commitments and, as you’d know, poor social skills. At dateless.com love is a “how r u 2day?” and “wel, tanks, hw bot you” away”.
While Dr Brenda had me convinced, some editors want balance, which makes me look forward to the time when I’m a member of the commentariat and can ignore the opinions of others. Advising the Prime Minister on Molly Meldrum’s suitability to be Chair of the Australian Broadcasting Authority because ABC Classic FM needs to be told what a real classic song is will be a bonus as well.
There’s nobody better to get some thoughtful analysis of problems associated with Internet dating than a couple of contributors to The Age’s Your Say section. E Male and Muggas respectively contributed: “If a girl says she’s a “medium build”, she’s a porker” and “when you rock up to some sheila’s house who said they were fit, however they were anything but, it is really quite awkward”.
These insights reminded me that I should’ve asked Dr Brenda whether the major issue with this popular past time is that you don’t know you’re going to get an ocker sexist body fascist who embarrasses easily.
As for “darlstherockstar”, well, she’s medium build, fit…..
Be one of the select few, elite even, who have read Darlene’s ‘interview’ with Janet Albrechtsen here.