Just a quick note to say thanks to everybody who has read (and possibly enjoyed) my stuff since I started putting it up on this blog back in April of this year. It has mostly been fun, but time to move on. You can now find me at http://darlenetaylor.blogspot.com, where I will be putting all my old stuff up with some new stuff when time and creativity allow. Thanks to Graham Young, who is not a bad bloke for a Liberal (onya, comrade).

Well, like most bloggers (hate to call myself that because it sounds so uncool, man) I think it would be nice if the one I write for got more comments, although I am also quite content with the idea nobody is reading or if they are they couldn’t give a rats.
Lo and behold in the space of an hour or so our comments box went from 755 to 900 and something, which can only mean one thing: spam, spam, spam, spam, spam. This, I take it, is a problem most blogs have had to contend with. It is a horrible feeling when you open Movable Type and right there in front of you are links to innumerable, and sometimes criminal, porn sites under your post about the Queensland Liberals, whom you would never want to equate with nudie pictures.
As I said to Tim Dunlop (not that I know him, but a little name-dropping never hurt), it is a violation, and it is also quite disgusting to have something you have written in relation to sexualized violence find itself “debased” by this stuff.
Indeed, I have discovered Ambit Gambit (type “Ambit Gambit” into the international search engine) has found itself linked to a porn site on Google, with my post about abuses at Abu Ghraib prison in Iraq now promoting a “teen lesbian” sex site.
To top it off (or tops off), one of the “teen lesbians” is called “Darlene”. Super! I swear it has been a long time since I have been either a teen or a lesbian, so it ain’t me. I don’t know if this has come about because of the spam situation, but I have sent an e-mail to Google and they have said they will investigate.
Hopefully, we will be following Tim Blair and others soon (now!) and inserting the numbers box, because I am sick of it, and I see no reason why we should keep wasting our time on these whatever you want to call them.
Visit www.nationalforum.com.au for totally unhot, unsexy, free fully clothed posts from a cynical thirty-something member of the ALP and an even older Liberal. No pics included.
So we know what women’s role is on porn sites: to kiss other girls for the pleasure of boys. Where are women in the legitimate (I use the term in a very loose way) world of blogs and the Internet? Given they are not that prominent here is a short list of some of the sites I like to have a look at from time to time:
Geekgirl Soon turning ten years young, this site was created by Rosiex and was the first feminist e-zine in Australia.
Feministe Intelligent and interesting blog
Bitch Website of the really good magazine that is available at Borders. Funny, smart, inclusive and not afraid to call it like it is.

Gempires Just heard about this today. Generally hate confessional blogs with their narcissistic self-absorption (know enough people – including me – like that, don’t need to read about it), but she seems like a cheeky minx, which is a good quality in any gal.
Pretty Ugly Website that changes too rarely of zine that comes out not enough. Nevertheless, worth a look.
Well, that’ll do for now. If anyone knows of any others, tell me.
Darlene can be contacted at darlene@onlineopinion.com.au or go to http://darlenetaylor.blogspot.com

As I’ve been engaged with other things of late (“I’ll have what you’re having, Anna Nicole Smith”), I thought I would dig into my oeuvre this week (also known as the crap on my C drive) to see what hasn’t been inflicted on Ambit Gambit’s reader(s). What follows is an interview I did before I was stopped from doing them after I drunkenly told Bob Brown his politics would stop being so nutty after he found himself a nice girlfriend.
Unsurprisingly, The Bulletin has a much larger budget than this blog, which doesn’t have a budget at all. While Jennifer Byrne can take her interview subjects to fancy establishments like a renovated McDonald’s, my companion for the afternoon, Janet Albrechtsen from The Australian, will have to be satisfied with Swizzlers, a shocker of a joint in which to meet with such a sweet lady.
Neglect by Swizzlers’ staff (it’s self-serve, but I was too afraid to tell her) quickly incites Janet to blame ACTU heavy, Greg Combet, for employees sitting behind cash registers instead of waiting on important customers. Her thesis that socialism lives on in the hospitality industry is the only sensible analysis of lousy customer service I’ve heard.
“Comrade, get out of that kitchen and take the orders of a couple of conservative columnists”, she bellows.
Janet discusses the controversy surrounding her article, Fatherless Aussie Kids at Risk of Becoming Murderous Muslims, while we’re standing in the salad queue.
“Malcontents taking a literal approach to the research I cite”, she offers with more charity than her detractors deserve. “A French sociologist revealed children raised by single mothers are 150% more likely to practise extreme versions of Islam than those from normal families”.
No right-thinking person could dispute Janet’s interpretation of Dr Jacques Smith’s findings after reading that “Iranian children in Paris have more chance of retaining their religion than the general community”.
The forced frivolity coming from table four drowns out Janet’s appreciation of data I’ve lent from a German expert about ethnic youth gangs.
“That’s the funniest gag you’ve ever told”. Sharing a restaurant with David Koch and the Sunrise crew is never easy, and less so when you can’t laugh on cue and look uncomfortable like that blonde co-host manages so expertly to do. “Bloody hilarious, Kochy, I know why I made the switch”.
“Anyway”, I yell, “Professor Von Kliegel is coming to Australia when he beats that holocaust thing”.
Janet believes that prior to 1996 powerful leftists like Ray Martin silenced right-wing commentators. “Even today”, she postulates, “you can’t pick up a tabloid, turn on talk back or watch current affairs without being bombarded with the progressive illuminati”.
Those ABC chatterers must wonder what ratings they’d have if Janet had become co-host of Media Watch, rather than the object of David Marr’s unwanted attention. Disgruntled viewers can only imagine a national broadcaster where affirmative action for failed advertisers and authors doesn’t apply.
“Good evening, I’m Janet Albrechtsen and tonight I hurl insults at ego-inflated, self-anointed champion of un-Australian causes and fitness campaigns, Phillip Adams, before finally finishing off the career of infamous homosexual and judicial activist, Michael Kirby”.
The post-traumatic stress disorder I suffered after brunch with Adams back in the 1980s threatens to return with the mention of his name. Criticising black armband historians is tough when there’s a voice in your head insisting God doesn’t exist and The Adventures of Barry McKenzie is a major moment in cinema.
Sanity is restored when Janet says she’s a role model and an example to talented girls everywhere that positive discrimination is for feminists who’ll never make it on their own. The manager certainly shares the opinion that nobody does invective better than Ms Albrechtsen.
“You self-proclaimed, unaccountable social engineer; I wanted mud cake not a brownie with no icing on top”.
Janet’s thanks for the interview is an invite to a reading of Sticking It Up the Toffs, an analysis of the damaging influence of elites by former ABA Chair and Emeritus Professor David, or “Davo” to his mates, Flint. The event is being put on by Quadrant, where “artz” funding from the Australia Council goes to the forces of good and not a performance artist who thinks wearing nothing but an oversized doily is a statement against the patriarchy (“this doily is not just representative of women’s oppression, it is an oppressed woman”).
Aware I’m going to meet Piers Akerman for the first time, I ring the office and give the new cadet my job because a stint as Barrie Cassidy’s sensible sidekick on Insiders beckons.
Read my other luncheon date interviews with Amanda Vanstone and David Flint here.
Next time I actually talk to a person and not a politician, uppity monarchist or conservative columnist.
Darlene can be contacted at darlene@onlineopinion.com.au or go to http://darlenetaylor.blogspot.com

Yesterday I commented on Lawrence Springborg’s Quixotic attempt to amalgamate the Queensland Liberal and National Parties. Today it seems only fair to comment on his accomplice – The Courier Mail. This morning’s front page of the CM runs with the headline “Anderson backs plan for merger” as you can see here:

But when you read the article you find tucked away in the middle comments from the PM opposing the idea and crediting the federal success of the coalition to their separate identities (maybe he read yesterday’s post?). Anderson merely says the idea ought to be discussed. Now, if you were in the business of journalism, rather than campaigning, wouldn’t the headline, and the text, be more along the lines of “Howard opposes Springborg”?
The Courier has been eking this story out since mid-last week, every day quoting some new “senior” Liberal source in support of the idea, making it look like State Leader Bob Quinn is all on his own on this one. In fact there are many more “senior” sources who will tell them what a stupid idea this is, but they don’t appear to be making the telephone calls, or even reading the blog posts or On Line Opinion. Nick Ferrett and I don’t mind being ignored, but John Howard? He’s the capo di capi of “senior” sources!
At least the online editor had the sense to keep the “story” off the website, so you’ll have to go to your local newsagent and buy the paper to see exactly what I mean.

During the Federal Election, Darlene had a bit to say, as well as to drink. For no extra price, here for the first time ever in one handy compilation are some edited extracts of some of her sycophantic and whiny ramblings, because as an ALP hackette she loves misery and nostalgia (“If only Mark was more like Gough, well not like Gough, if only he didn’t have anything to do with Gough really and he was more like Keating, well, not like Keating really, more like (insert Labor leader of choice here except Bob Hawke – nothing annoys your average Laborite more than success).
11 September 2004
“Speaking of bigoted nongs, Family First’s Percy Campbell has been trying to win over motorists in Ryan, although only straight ones, while trying to establish a stand-up career. Apparently, Perc amused himself no end by suggesting he needs a lady ultra-right winger to help him woo drivers, lest they think he and his male ‘companion’ are lefty woolly woofters. “As a family party, we don’t want to have two guys standing there. They might think we’re the Greens”, the unfunny fundamentalist reasoned. Alas, Family First is black and white on the outside and black and white on the inside.”
26 September 2004
“A rally against the Howard Government in King George Square in Brisbane today attracted over a thousand protestors.
During the demonstration, which coincided with the Liberal Party’s federal election campaign launch, speakers such as Senate candidate for the Socialist Alliance Sam Watson and Richard Neilsen from The Greens accused the Prime Minister of dishonesty over issues such as children overboard, the environment and the war in Iraq. A marcher named Dave thought “…it was time for the Howard Government to go and I think there is no way they should be holding a political forum in a public space”, while Ph.D. student Jen declared, “I don’t like Howard”.
The presence of four members of the Working People’s Coalition of Australia caused a minor stir after its leader claimed to “…hate communist scum”. The only other incident occurred after a female protestor tried to kick down the barricade surrounding City Hall.
Chas from The Chaser was last seen wearing an orange rat-catcher’s costume and looking for the rodent with a big brown head.”
2 October 2004
“It has been such a big campaign week for oldies that some of us are spending the weekend dozing over Lucy Turnbull’s letter about Malcolm, while the melodic sounds of Frenzal Rhomb’s Rock against Howard plays in the background.
According to Mabel, my best friend since Queen Victoria’s coronation, that whippersnapper with the potty mouth claims over-75s will be guaranteed a hospital bed if he forms government after the election.
“Holy”, I yelled at Mabel, but before I could say shit she told me in a disapproving tone that Labor will also bring in a national dental program.
“If you can’t afford to get your teeth fixed, you can’t afford to buy the sort of food that requires you have teeth”, Mabel reasoned.
Mabel, who never misses a chance to tell everybody she is a self-funded retiree who deserves more than pensioners who wasted their money on drugs, Bob Dylan records and communist party memberships rather than saving it, said she will be giving her vote to “John” this time because he is offering $200 to “contributing citizens”.
It’s not for me to remind Mabel, my best friend since the Boer War, that the only time she hasn’t voted Liberal was in 1972 in protest at the gown Mrs McMahon wore to the White House the previous year. “She’s no Mrs Howard, Violet, and he seems a bit, well, unusual”, she muttered at the time prior to ticking the box for the Democratic Labor Party (DLP).”
3 October 2004
“After failing to convince security staff I was a serious journalist and/or Liberal, I spent last Sunday at the anti-Howard rally outside the party’s campaign launch.
Let me tell you, it is not easy covering a demonstration hostile to conservatives when dressed in a frock Princess Di would have worn before her divorce, while carrying a bag with the Prime Minister’s face on it and a cardigan inside in case it got cold.
Unsurprisingly, Labor was not fussy about who it let in to its launch, so in I went with my notebook, biro, homemade media pass and membership card.
As a member, I was spared from sitting next to dodgy press types and instead found myself surrounded by representatives of the esteemed political class, including former leader Paul Keating, former leader Kim Beazley and current Senator Bob McMullen, who seemed impressed with my modest claim of being “just an ordinary branch member”.
In between playing spot the pollie; I paid a bit of attention to what was happening on stage, particularly when lovely Ms Lacy featured in what might have been a world first, an Australian wife recommending her husband to people.
Although deeply hurt by the Liberal Party’s rejection a few days earlier and an ALP hack since 1998, I resolved to adhere to my usual impartiality.
I can thus advise that Labor’s intention to index pensions four times a year and introduce income splitting are the best initiatives ever introduced in the history of humankind.”
9 October 2004
“Today I did what every self-respecting political party hack does on Election Day and slept until noon. Hang on; I actually engaged in that behaviour endured by humanity’s selfless and spent four hours handing out how-to-vote cards at a school in Brisbane. Even if noble of itself, I aim to use my experience to predict who will emerge victorious.
Interestingly, a number of voters took leaflets only from the major parties, which my research suggests has to do with the fact that the bigger size is more useful when wiping up sauce that has run from a P & C sausage sandwich to your Mark Latham: Opportunity for All t-shirt.
Alas, for the Baptist in possession of Family First Party paraphernalia and a pleasant personality, the recognition level for his controversial group was low. Thus it is my contention that Family First will only get one vote from the five-year-old who attempted to set their card alight in the hope of building a fire to burn some lesbians.
Since the lone Democrat was situated at a side entrance away from sober company, I have no way of gauging how dire their recognition level was so I will guess like opinion columnists are wont to do and say it was nothing, like their vote is bound to be.
Unfortunately, the Baptist and I were both targets for the Hanson-like views of an ageing Liberal with a chip on his shoulder so big he could keep members of the CFMEU in jobs for life (no, it wasn’t Graham).”
10 October 2004
“I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again…democracy simply doesn’t work.” -Kent Brockman
Without wanting to adopt a shrill Margo Kingston tone, the election result was shattering, outrageous, devastating, disappointing, bewildering and sad. Perhaps the fellow who stuck three (or was it two) fingers up in my face while I was handing out how-to-votes and said; “see you in three more years” summed it up.
Of course, the voters’ choice is to be respected, but why oh why we would go back to the bad old days of a major party with control, or near control, of the Senate. We can assume John Howard will be going to church today to thank the good Lord above, and ‘her/his’ political operatives on earth.
Speaking of the likes of Margo, which I was, I suspect the election result is just another indication of how out of touch most political commentators are.”
At this point Darlene would like to advertise the Straight Out of Brisbane festival, which is coming up soon. It features a range of things too numerous to mention. My friend and Spinster zine colleague, Carmen, will be speaking at an event with some lesser lights like Christian Kerr from Crikey and that youthful Merlin fellow from Big Brother, presumably without the mispelt sign. It’s important to support such things or we won’t have them anymore, just like the old days in Queensland when fun could only be had by making jokes about Joh’s speech patterns and visiting the Big Pineapple.
Darlene can be contacted at darlene@onlineopinion.com.au or go to http://darlenetaylor.blogspot.com

Since the author only admits to being an ALP member in impolite company and when appearing on our national broadcaster (“Yes, John Howard is just horrible, Phillip, sweetie”), it was with much courage and alcohol that she once again braved a local branch to find out what the party is like on the inside. What follows is the final of her two reports. Next week she infiltrates a Liberal function with a four-wheel drive, a Bronwyn Bishop make-over (“No, more foundation and pull the hair back tighter”) and a level of triumphalism the Prime Minister would find acceptable.
Present: Michael Michaelson-Michaels (President), Margaret Morton Michaelson-Michaels (Fundraising Director) and Steven Jones (Secretary)
Visitors: John “Number Cruncher” Stevenson (faction heavy and local florist), Administrative Committee Chair (“I’m not giving my name, mate“)
Apologies: Nope
Margaret: “Have you called everybody on the list?”
Michael: “No, I spent the past fortnight talking to my best girlfriend about what a spunk Anthony from Australian Idol is”.
Margaret: “You have a girlfriend?”
Michael: “You know I don’t, anymore.
“For two weeks, I’ve phoned people who were party members, but recently decided not to renew. I’ve had the pleasure of listening to all their fascinating reasons why: branch meetings are boring, the party doesn’t know what it stands for, the party does know what it stands for but doesn’t stand for the right things, Carmen Lawrence should be parliamentary leader, Carmen Lawrence is a loony left-winger and should be expelled, moan, groan, whine and what do they expect?
“I did get a couple of, if I can I have a job in your office I will vote for you but it’s a secret ballot so I can’t really tell you.
“If I didn’t need their vote, I wouldn’t talk to these people at all.
“Anyway, Steven’s here to take us to the polling booth.
“I wish Arthur hadn’t talked us into serving sausages. He’ll probably be the only one voting who doesn’t think souvlaki is standard fare: if only we could branch stack from closer to home”.
Steven: “How are you, Margaret?”
Margaret: “Worried about the preselection. How’s that woman you’re seeing?”
Steven: “To be honest, the other day she confessed her feelings for me and I had to let her down. I don’t know if I’ll be seeing her again”.
Margaret: “I don’t understand, you got on so well. I bet you rejected her because your dad said if you went out with a Liberal he would chop you up and make you the door prize at the next barbecue cum fundraiser cum chance for us to raffle those left-over scratchies: you know, the branch members love ’em”.
Michael: “Don’t worry about it, there’s no point in seeing some sheila who could ruin your career rather than help it. Julie from Banning Branch is a good sort and I think she might be a member of the Left and you know how unlucky they are with the opposite sex.
“Look there’s Mitchell, soon to be ex-Member for Nanabour. What the hell is he doing serving Falafels and Lasagne?”
John: “Don’t worry about it Michael, we’ve got administrative committee stitched up. We promised them we’d give the former Member for Kilroy a job when he gets out in three to five years time”.
Michael: “Is that all he got? Remind me to run a law and order campaign promising to lock up dodgy politicians and throw away the key. That should make me popular with the ordinary punter.
“Steven and Margaret can manage things down here. We better get down to party office for the real vote”.
Administrative Committee Chair: “G’day mate, how are you going?
“Mitchell isn’t turning up. We just have to wait for everybody to come back in. You know what it’s like in here when there are too many mobile phones going at the same time; tends to make that life-size poster of Hawke wilt from the lack of attention.
“Thanks for returning for the vote and for turning off your phones for the time it will take to decide who our next candidate for Nanabour will be.
(Two minutes and ten Greensleeves, two I Was Made for Loving You and one Waiting for the Great Leap Forward rings later)
Michael: “Mate, how the hell did we lose? You said we had it sewn up”.
John: “Mate, I tried my best but the numbers weren’t with you. Mate, I’ve got to go and have a chat to Mitchell about who he needs to give a job to and stuff like that. There’s a division in council you might like to have a go at. Think about it and give us a ring. You’ve got my mobile number, haven’t you…mate?”
Michael: “Bloody done over, mate!
“We’ll keep going with the branch and show members we don’t need the heavies to succeed”.
Steven: “Look mate, I’ve been offered a job with Mitchell so I don’t think I’ll have time for the branch anymore but if you want to give us a call and talk about your future that would be great. You’ve got my mobile number, haven’t you…mate?
Political career finished at 6.35pm, mate.
Darlene can be contacted at darlene@onlineopinion.com.au or go to http://darlenetaylor.blogspot.com